The Un-silent Woman

Today, I made a choice A choice to leave you be As much as loving you has healed my heart It’s broken it too   And I don’t want to feel like I’m doing too much Asking for too much Thinking too much Reaching out too much no answer. ~Brittany. K.W., 02/03/2021 We break our own hearts, sometimes, and we blame it on other people for what they did or did not do. Pointing the finger elsewhere is easy, especially when things come to an end, but pointing the finger at yourself and identifying where you messed up... baby, that's not easy. What's harder than having to accept responsibility in a heartbreaking ending? Realizing that you messed up at the beginning. Realizing that somebody told you what it is and what it ain't at the beginning. Realizing you never communicated your expectations and boundaries, so now you're here mad at someone who didn't even know what you wanted. Worse than that? Realizing that you wasted so much energy and time doing things they never asked of ...

  “To be loving is to be open to grief, to be touched by sorrow, even sorrow that is udending.”- Bell Hooks There are two things for certain when one is born into this world: you will experience life and you will experience death. One of the two is part of the other, but we grow up learning that they are two separate entities and the latter is something to fear. So we spend our lives running away from death because it’s supposed to be this terrible thing. We fear it for ourselves just as much as we fear the death of those we love. And we often focus on the death of our human existence, but death comes in the form of relationships and experiences, too. No matter what form of death arrives at your door, it arrives with a companion that we have come to know as grief. And this grief also arrives when we lose other things like friendships, relationships, jobs, belongings and experiences.  Grief is defined as deep emotional and mental distress due to loss or regret ( Dictionary) . I...

A poem for you... the one who is journeying what we know to be healing. We honor our phases the way we do that of the moon We announce when we feel empty and unseen like the new moon We announce when we’ve overcome obstacles and are filled with all things great and powerful like the full moon We give so much energy and power to these two phases And while they’re deserving of being spoken about... What about your crescent moon phase? You know...the days when you worked so hard to keep going even though-- suicide was a thought depression was a religion and hopelessness was a state of mind -- and they all started to show above ground, spilling out for others to see Yet you still showed up for the day Leaving yesterday behind and working hard for a better tomorrow What about this phase?   What about the quarter moon phase? You know when you’ve finally identified your purpose and passion, but you don’t know where to begin You finally have the drive to get up in the morning and show some...

I’m not a temporary home For the feelings that slowly escape out her back door I’m a permanent home Where mortgage is paid in sure choices So if you don’t know where you want to stay for sure Pack your shit and leave through the front door I’ll turn off the porch light behind you . go.~Brittany K.W., 11/26/20  We find comfort in holding on to that which we've experienced-- we attach to what we know. In attaching to such things, be it good or bad, we knowingly play a role in repeating cycles. Often times, these cycles show up in our relationships. Today, I am talking about romantic relationships, and I'll touch on parental.  Why not friendships? For some reason, we often hold our friends more accountable for their actions than we do our lovers and parents. We're quick to correct friends, or leave friendships, when we don't like something that was said or how something played out. We don't extend as much grace. We don't nurture the bonds in that realm as much. We ...

Glossary: Addiction / / əˈdikSH(ə)n / : (noun): A compulsive physiological or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects and typically causing well-defined symptoms upon withdrawal or abstinence ( Merriam-Webster) Attachment  / əˈtaCHmənt / : a strong emotional bond formed with a caregiver especially when viewed as a basis for normal emotional and social development.  (Merriam-Webster)   When we think of addiction, we typically think of the use of drugs or consumption of alcohol to the point of damage. We think of addiction in the form of materialistic items (clothes, shoes, bags, etc.). We think of the overconsumption of certain types of foods. Needless to say, addiction shows up in many forms, but we don't often speak of addiction that masks itself as love. Addiction can disguise itself as love in our relationships-- be it platonic, familial or romantic-- and it hides itself well. Wh...

So I ask you..   Is it worth losing your soul Sacrificing your shadow Beating at your heart Being lonely in love… me.to.me.~ Brittany K.W., 10/13/2015. Recently, my morning meditations consist of me reading All About Love  by Bell Hooks and Inward by Yung Pueblo. You can say I am on a journey of unpacking, unlearning, being honest with myself, and rebuilding myself. If I know anything at all, I know the healing ain't easy. As beautiful as it is, it hurts, it's uncomfortable, but, most of all, it is humbly rewarding because you have to face the truth-- no matter how hard the truth is to digest. While I was reading a chapter in All About Love , I was forced to reevaluate my relationships with those I love, from the family realm to the romantic realm. Of all the people I love (present or released), as much as "I love you" was exchanged, I have not been loved in every relationship-- I have been cared for. One may say that the two are the same, and while someone you love c...

But what if it won’t end What if this experience will last until my last breath What if this is the love I prayed for and manifested What if this is the one, but out of fear, I’m one foot out the door ready to run What if.... self.sabotage. ~Brittany K.W., 02/17/2021 I think (insert: "I know") sometimes we trick ourselves out of the things we deserve and wanted, out of fear. Fear has its way of creeping up in between the cracks when we least expect it. It's an unconscious phenomenon that we have to fight day in and day out. Why? Because past experiences made us think that some things are "too good to be true." Past experiences made us think that all good things come to an end. In relationships, past experiences made us believe in the "honeymoon phase." But what if the good doesn't end? What if this is just the beginning of all the good you've sown seeds for? What if all this good you're experiencing is a full circle from all the good you pu...