The Line Between Love and Addiction

Glossary:

Addiction //əˈdikSH(ə)n/: (noun): A compulsive physiological or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects and typically causing well-defined symptoms upon withdrawal or abstinence (Merriam-Webster)

Attachment /əˈtaCHmənt/: a strong emotional bond formed with a caregiver especially when viewed as a basis for normal emotional and social development. (Merriam-Webster) 

When we think of addiction, we typically think of the use of drugs or consumption of alcohol to the point of damage. We think of addiction in the form of materialistic items (clothes, shoes, bags, etc.). We think of the overconsumption of certain types of foods. Needless to say, addiction shows up in many forms, but we don't often speak of addiction that masks itself as love.

Addiction can disguise itself as love in our relationships-- be it platonic, familial or romantic-- and it hides itself well. What does addiction look like in love? It looks like staying in uncomfortable spaces and bonds with people because we enjoy the highs and try to forget the lows. It looks like being the "yes" person because you enjoy the rewards. It looks like staying because of financial support and liberation. It looks like negating your existence for the exaltation from others because you need someone to be proud of you or like you. Addiction is the denying of your authentic self. Addiction is a form of attachment.

If we refer to the definition of attachment, we come across the word caregiver. Previously, we talked about care not always being equated to love. People can care for you but not love you. Care shows up in gifts, words, actions and more, but love is not always the foundation-- sometimes this care is done for keeping. Even though it is not always love, we grow attached to people and things because we build a bond with them based off of how we feel in that moment. We build a bond with some of our greatest addictions because they allow us to escape reality for an extended period of time, and we keep going back because the high brings more pleasure than the reality of the situation. 

Personally, I used to get attached to experiences with people, and the memory of the "highs" kept me around, even though reality with them was not loving and hard to digest. Disclaimer: I know that relationships have highs and lows, but in a loving bond, the lows will not ask of you to negate your authenticity and principles. Addiction kept me waiting around for people who wouldn't wait on me-- wanting them to see me, but how could they see me when my own vision of self was clouded? Why would someone else give me what I wanted when the bare minimum was enough for me to be kept?

You know what happens overtime? Two things: you'll completely submit to your addiction and lose yourself, or you'll look in the mirror and realize this isn't the person you want to be and your addiction is not a healing balm-- it's killing you slowly. 

Imagine staying around waiting because the sex was good. Imagine staying around because the sweet words in the apologies after the disrespect gave you butterflies because you hadn't heard something so nice in a while. Imagine an apology being the reason you stay, or the free vacations and material gifts (that ain't really free because you're sacrificing your soul) being the reason. Imagine selling yourself short because you're attached to the aspects in one person or thing, meanwhile your reality is suffocating you. 

Beloved, another person or experience will offer you all of that in a healthy manner and respect your human, your heart, your authenticity, your love and your light. What is meant for you will not ask you to sacrifice your soul. It will not be addicting; it will be healing. You will feel the difference.  

As you grow into yourself, you will realize what you waited for and attached yourself to--in the form of an addiction-- isn't what you really want. The good sex is nice, but it pales in comparison to the love, passion and good sex in divine partnerships. Nice words in apologies are nice, but it pales in comparison to accountability and genuine compliments throughout your day without conditions. Being accepted for being easy to deal with is nice, but it is nothing compared to being loved for being your highest and most authentic self-- even on the days where you don't see eye to eye. 

You will never have to sacrifice your truest self for love, but you will have to for addiction. You'll have to sacrifice your worth, existence and opportunity to be loved well-- by yourself and others. You harm your spirit. You reject love because love and addiction cannot coexist.

So Beloved, what will you choose-- the "high" that requires you to consistently destroy yourself for satisfaction or waiting in alignment for divine experiences that don't ask of you to reject yourself or lower your frequency? I'll tell you something I know for sure-- you deserve good love, respect and acceptance. You deserve wholesome experiences. You deserve to do right by yourself. I pray you always choose genuine love--even if it's just with yourself-- over attachments that birth into addictions.

"Addiction is doing the same thing even when it's not fun anymore."- Jasmine Mans

I love you. 

Talk to you soon. xo- Britt 🌹