When Do You Draw The Line?

You don’t have to

You don’t have to do any of it

You can throw it all away

We all have limitations

Only do it if it feels right from the depths of your heart and soul

But baby, 

You 

Don’t

Have

To

. 

limitations [a piece of a whole]~ Brittany K.W., 02/02/21

I think we give too much sometimes. I think we sacrifice so much of ourselves in hopes that the recipient will reciprocate; we give so much that we pour out until our cup is empty. Then, when we realize we have nothing left to give-- not even to ourselves-- we point the finger at everybody we gave to.

"I gave her all of that, but she never bought me anything."

"I picked him up from work after every shift, and he didn't even offer to put gas in my car."

"I made dinner every night, and they didn't even have it in them to wash the dishes."

Who told you to do it? Who told you to keep doing it? Why did you? Why did it have to go so far for you to draw the line?

I'll let you in on a secret, beloved: you never have to do any of it. Might you disappoint some people in the process of saying "no" or withholding what you once did? Of course, but you'll save a lot of you for yourself-- you'll save you. At the end of the day, when you sit with yourself, you have to be content with every decision you made. And no, you cannot blame a single soul for the decisions you made. They may have begged you to do it. They may have tried to make you feel bad. They may have said something hurtful when you initially rejected the idea of doing something, but to hell with all of that. Nobody has the power to make you do a single thing you don't want to do within your own willpower. It's all a choice. 

I'll let you in on one of my Boo-Boo-The-Fool (BBTF) experiences. 

I dated somebody for a year (I need time off because I really be doing tooooooo damn much). I was literally spending money I didn't have on this person. If they mentioned they needed something, they got it. If they said they wanted something, they got it. Hell, there was a time when they wanted an item, it was sold out, and they really got upset with me because I didn't purchase it in time (chilleeeeeee). Fast forward a month or two later, I got a notification from the brand that there would be a restock. Perfect! To make up for my lateness and to soothe their tantrum (BBTF), I purchased the item, wrapped it up and packed it as a gift. Being that it was closer to Valentine's Day and the item was bubble gum pink, I thought to include it in a Valentine's Day package opposed to regarding it as a birthday or Christmas gift because it's months later... Nah! 

"That's not fair; I wanted it for [insert whatever it was wanted for]."

BBTF ole me fell into the trap and obliged to that person's perspective, and I went back to the drawing board and spent more money on stupid ole Valentine's Day. Then... duh duh duh duhhhhh... I took on the responsibility of co-parenting a pet that was not mine. Don't get me wrong, I loved that dog, but it wasn't mine on top of the fact that I never met the dog [long distance situationship] until the one time I went to stay with said person. Oh yeah, we weren't even in a relationship-- Boo-Boo-The-Fool is clearly tattooed on my head in invisible ink. 

Fast forward to a few months later-- after I did more, gave more, held my tongue more, compromised more, played small more, questioned myself more-- I chose myself on a given night. I was sitting in all of my emotions on this night and requested to spend time with my tribe. Chillleeeeeee you would have thought I said I was leaving this person behind, never wanted to speak again and didn't give two flying cares about them. I simply chose to show up for myself on this night, and you better believe the following day I got a long text message (A TEXT MESSAGE) basically saying I wasn't any of the things I seemed to be and am quick to leave people. Again, a year without commitment, and I didn't even say I wanted to end things-- I said I needed a moment to my damn self. 

Funny thing is, as crazy as that ending was, and as hurtful as that essay of a text message was, I don't have single negative feeling towards that person. Why? Because I made a choice every single time. Because I accepted the role I played, and out of growth, I spoke my piece, blessed it and released it. Because what's meant for me will show up for me, every single time. 

Let me tell you a secret: you will only be good enough for the person you're meant for. You'll only be good enough for the people who can see and hear your heart without you saying a single word or doing anything for them. You will never be enough for the people you were not intended for-- they'll always want more. You will never be enough out of alignment. Pero, beloved you have to figure out who is who. You are responsible for you. It's all a choice that YOU have to make and discernment that YOU need to use.

Know your worth, beloved. Know your limits. Draw your line in the sand, and don't you dare cross it. 

Why not cross it?

You'll spend every moment trying to point the finger at someone else. You'll spend time blaming opposed to mending. Let me be the aggressively honest friend and tell you: it's your fault. Might they have been vibrating at a low frequency? Yepp, but you stayed. Might they have been asking for you to do too much? Yepp, but you enabled them by continuing to do it. Should they have reciprocated what you gave? Nope. It would have been nice, but everybody loves differently, and you chose to keep feeding what wasn't feeding you back in the way you needed or wanted them to. Should they apologize? That'd be nice, but make sure you're apologizing to you-- outside apologies don't always come. 

Take on your responsibility, beloved. And while, you are at fault for choosing each time, you can still tell them about themselves. You can express how they could be better for the next person (don't be bitter). You can tell them what you didn't like. You can even admit your own flaws to them about how you let them go too far. You can do all of this, but you don't have to.

What you do have to do is step outside yourself and realize what you're going to different next time. You will accept accountability for your actions or lack thereof. You will learn to love yourself better, so that you don't make the same mistakes again because baby... you. don't. have. to. When you abide by that and move in alignment, you'll never have a single regret about the way you loved, the money spent and time given (given--not wasted). 

So, Beloved, the next time you walk in love-- or if you are walking in love at this very moment-- make sure your choices reflect what you'll be proud of, even if the relationship doesn't work out. Make sure you speak up for yourself. Make sure every decision is made with your heart and soul-- all of it. Reevaluate how you journey relationships with people-- what you expect, won't do again, won't compromise for, and what you need.

You deserve good love-- a reciprocal and gracious love.

I love you.

Talk to you soon. Xo. Britt 🌹