On Healing. On Journeying Home to Self.

I know there’s beauty in fullness
I know we get excited about the power of the full moon
The beauty of fully bloomed roses
But there’s no fullness if we don’t journey the other stages— no honor for cheating yourself of the journey

phases.~ Brittany K.W., 01/03/2021

Healing: the journey to becoming grounded and healthy

Shadow work: becoming aware of your hidden wounds and intentionally healing those aspects

Healing isn't pretty. It's not linear. It's tiring. It's different every day-- some days are inactive. It is a journey that nobody ever asks for, but it is necessary. Why? Because unhealed (hurt) people go around hurting people-- intentionally and unintentionally-- and then, that person has to journey healing before they repeat that cycle on somebody else. Therefore, you have to do the work. 

A little secret for you:

When you hurt others, you hurt yourself. You hurt somebody you are connected to, and in return-- even if you don't see it-- you end up hurting yourself. You end up disappointing yourself. You end up robbing yourself of something that could have been the ultimate gift. You rob yourself of something good-- something real good. The saddest part in all of this is, we often times make the very people divinely sent to support our healing the target of our projected hurt. And, again, that is going to hurt you. That person may not project back on you or lash out on you, but you end up losing them, and you will always feel that absence-- maybe not in the moment, but surely down the line you will feel it. 

So, how do we do the work? 

1. Identify your traumas/heighten your awareness of the parts that are dark:

Trauma looks different for everybody, which is why everybody's journey is different, but the process is the same. 

Sometimes in adulthood, our traumas are rooted romantic relationships that were abusive or unloving. However, often times they're rooted in our lineage and parental bonds--or the lack thereof. And if you are a Black child from the typical Black household, you weren't allowed to speak up for yourself or tell and adult how they hurt you. You were to stay in your place and follow the law that "what happens in this house stays in this house." But that was never healthy, and we grew up learning how to suppress our emotions. We walk around on eggshells, internalizing all that hurts until one day we hit a breaking point-- but we don't confront the source. We spill our hurt and rage on somebody else, and now there's another hurt person. But when you are aware of your traumas and triggers, you move with more intention-- more caution. 

2. Sit with it 

So, you know what hurts you or triggers you most. Now, identify the "why?" What happened? When did it happen? Who did it? How did it make you feel? Why have you held onto it for so long? How has it changed you? What would happen if you released it? How has this trauma/trigger impacted your view of self, of love, of people, of the world? Let your inner child lead. Let your inner child grieve. Let your adult self grieve. Grieving is a release. If you can feel it, you can surely heal it. If you can feel it coming to surface, it is trying to exit your being. Imagine that, your own hurt wants to exit your mind and body, but you keep holding onto it by suppressing it. You keep carrying the tension and filling you're being with the hurt, so much so that you don't have the capacity to allow anything good in without tainting it. You deserve more. 

3. Confront source

Is the source of your hurt still on this side of life? Are you willing to hold space for them and have a conversation with them to ask every question that you have about their "why"? Are you the source of your own hurt? If so, ask yourself why you did what you did? Why did you harm yourself? Why did you speak negatively over yourself? Why did you neglect your own heart? Why did you negate your intuition? Why did you settle? Why did you shut up for their comfort? Why did you stay? Why did you feel like you had to protect someone else at the expense of yourself? Why did you overcompensate knowing you were running empty? Why did you sacrifice your worth in the name of love? 

4. Forgiveness

Forgive yourself, first. In forgiving yourself, you learn to forgive others. Why do you need to forgive yourself? For suppressing-- even if it was a defense mechanism. Forgive yourself for holding onto the secrets that should have been told for your own liberation. Forgive yourself for beating yourself up and thinking you deserved to be hurt. Forgive yourself for, possibly, hurting other people along the way because you were hurting. Forgive yourself for carrying the weight that turned into bigger issues. Forgive yourself for giving too much-- for making excuses for people who were careless with you. Then, and only then, forgive the external sources of your hurt. Be compassionate. Be gracious. And I know that sounds crazy, but there were people we hurt along the way that were gracious with us. There were people that loved us in spite of us-- who saw our pain and were willing to carry it just so we can get a moment to breathe-- even though we were hurting them. 

5. Release It

As said above, your pain wants to be released for good. It is trying to seep out of you. It's seeping out in your tears. It's seeping out in your journal entries. It's arriving in your thoughts and dreams, screaming for you to address it and let it free. Be gracious with yourself in the releasing because releasing does not equate to forgetting. Releasing means you acknowledge that the hurt happened but declaring that it's no longer yours to carry. Releasing is freedom. Will the thoughts come back? Yes, because again, you don't forget. However, when the thoughts come, there will be acceptance where there was once a form of tension. You won't get angry anymore. You won't breakdown anymore. You won't go out playing target practice with people's hearts. Instead, you'll be reminded of how you transmuted the pain. You will look at how much you have expanded and ascended since you let go. You will radiate light opposed to sinking in darkness. You will affirm yourself. 

6.  Take care

Rest. Celebrate how far you've come. Speak over yourself. Accept yourself. Pour into yourself. Accept love. Connect with your tribe. Eat with intention. Enjoy your favorite libations (pour a little something something on the side for the Ancestors). Most importantly, follow your intuition as you journey forward with a new sense of mindfulness. 

6. Repeat

Until it becomes second nature. Until you've addressed all that has kept you in the dark and burdened. Until you become whole again. Until light and love are all that you radiate. 

On this journey, you will lose more than the weight of the hurt. You will lose trauma bonds. You will lose people. You will lose tangible things. But Beloved, hold tight to yourself. It's better to lose everything and keep yourself. And should you feel like you have lost it all, remember that the Ancestors and God are behind you, holding you up, rooting for you. You are their wildest dream, and they have so much faith in you. 

So Beloved, take the journey. Do the work. Do it bravely. It's okay to feel like you're falling-- you were born with wings to fly. Therefore, you will always land on your feet-- if you allow yourself to. Freedom is on the other side of your healing. You deserve that. And if ever you need some reminding, here are three quotes to carry you home to self: 

"Healing is waiting on you; you are not waiting to heal." - Londrelle

“Good for you. More it hurt more better it is. Can't nothing heal without pain, you know.”- Toni Morrison

"If you surrender to the air, you could ride it."- Toni Morrison

Until next time. 

I love you.  xo- Britt 🌹