The Color I Am
If you were an element of Earth
I’d deem you to be water
It's in the way your love runs deep
Crashing ashore
Breaking down levees of trauma
And watering where it hurts
The way your love seeps into the narrow pathways like rivers
Finding its way upstream
Defying the odds and gravity
Just to be able to say you tried
You find reason to love even when you’ve been polluted
Nourishing the secretive roots of beings that nobody else sees
You feed...
Darling, you satisfy their thirst
You are more than enough
Lovers go into dehydration on the withdrawal of your supply of love
You’re the type of love one only experiences once in a lifetime
And I love how you transform yourself
How you’ve learned to expand yourself and your love to be as wide as the ocean
But also how to withhold from overflowing when one is undeserving
Still leaving behind some love to nourish them in your absence
Of all the colors you could be
You are Blue.
the.color.i.am~ Brittany K.W., 10/20/2020
In his book The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin wrote, "Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." So here, in this space, I reveal my color to you.
If you asked me to describe the color Blue, I would tell you it was like the Earthly element of water in conjunction with the sky-- limitless. Water... I honor the ocean and how it is the source of life. The way it feeds rivers, seas, and lakes. The way it makes way to nourish the living body. The way it makes way to nourish and revive plants. The way it quenches thirst. The way it is home. I love the way it holds space. I honor the way it can change form-- from freezing to melting to evaporating to condensation. The way it travels from the land below to the sky above, returning as rain to cover all that falls beneath the heavens. As for the sky, there is no end. No matter where you travel, it is there. It listens. It breaks open. It holds the brightest light, even in the darkness. It transitions daily. It holds back Earthly tears and releases them-- in time, giving one space to let their own tears flow without judgement. Blue. Soft, yet powerful enough to be felt. Solemn, yet heard. Reserved, yet abundant. Free. Home.
Disclaimer: To be loved by a Blue spirit is beautiful, yet dangerous. Blue spirited lovers know a different type of freedom. They give a love you will chase after in every lifetime. Tread lightly.
In a former love encounter, I was given the name Blue. The reason:
"Blue represents the ocean. The ocean which is full of life and gives life. It feeds you."
When I think of love, I think of something that breathes into you-- not just in the parts of you that you show with pride but in the desolate areas. Love tends to the parts of you that hurt and bear shame. Love nurtures you back to wholeness. Love is forgiving-- it's healing. Love overflows without condition. Love knows what you need without you having to cry out for it. Love is the answer you've been waiting for all along. Love is me. Love is you.
"The ocean can be gentle when unbothered; it can show you the rainbow."
I believe in love being freeing. Love doesn't control nor manipulate. Love is accepting. Love doesn't impose its own agenda on you-- it takes you as you are. I was fourteen when I knew my love would grow to know freedom of direction. Freedom to love without one single direction is forbidden in religion. You are told what love is supposed to look like. You are programmed to believe you are to marry and submit to a specific type of person, but God forbid you follow your heart and it leads you to loving someone who shares the same features as you. You become labeled and sometimes unloveable. When you share your color, you will realize that some people will only love you when you are in line with their agenda. I dare you to find the gift of real love on the other side of the rainbow after the storm-- no matter what that looks like. Love is not conditional, yet there are boundaries. Just like the ocean, Blue spirits will come as forceful as a tide coming in in their own defense. Don't abuse the unconditional.
"It's the beginning of earth and the end of earth."
Once you experience the love of a Blue spirit, you can never say you don't know love. You will always search for such a love in every realm of love-- romantic, platonic, familial, whatever you dictate your love to be. The love of a Blue spirit will redefine your perception of love. I know because I experience my own love daily, and I cannot fathom how all the women in me went so long without it. I settled for less than love, but that's a story for another day (eyebegofyou... do not settle).
"If you listen to the ocean, it speaks to you and gives you tranquility."
I dare you to intentionally observe a Blue spirit. Watch how their bodies move and tell stories without accompanying dialogue. See how grace radiates from their being. Feel their light shining on your wounds-- even the ones you hide that hurt the most. Watch how you chase after your own light in the name of aspiration. Listen to the melody that is the breath they breathe. Follow.
"The sky is also blue, and I feel like you are untouchable just like the sky. Not untouchable in just the physical sense."
When a love is free and free flowing, it cannot be made over. It cannot be duplicated. It's a limitless love-- a love that has no ceiling. It's a love that will take you to higher heights just by you trying to climb to its peak, but there is no peak. This love keeps going... ascending, transcending, and evolving. This love also isn't for everybody. If you should depart from it, hold on to what you can because you won't experience such a love like that of a Blue spirit again.
"No one is seeing you; you are before your time. Like your spirit has been here before."
Love from a Blue spirit is an aged love-- one that has been watered and rooted for years before your encounter. This type of love tells stories of victory and redemption. The lover that releases such a love has experienced trauma and healed, experienced hurt and healed, experienced loss and healed-- experienced everything and healed. This lover holds the answers, and sometimes that may scare you and make you wonder, "how did you know?" The wisdom birthed from experience, and applied with love, will heal you differently. This love is ancient.
So Beloved, I dare you to find your color. I dare you to find a love that compliments your color. I dare you to find a love that is defined by you-- a love of freedom.
I believe in order to have lived a life you can say you loved and lived well, one must know freedom in love. I believe in the softness of love. I believe in reciprocal love. I believe in wise love. I believe in the honesty of love and its lack of discrimination. I believe in a love so pure that it goes where it feels safe and warranted, even if society tells you you're doing it wrong. I believe in giving love a fair chance, even if your heart has been broken before. You deserve to love and be loved, every single time. You are love.
Rise in it.
Talk to you soon. xo- Britt 🌹