Who Would've Thought?
And all the ways you taught me love
And all the ways you taught me to trust my instinct
And all the ways you taught me that people are exactly who they present themselves to be
And that some people will leave you and want you to chase after them.
And that sometimes your favorite lover will break your heart, but you’ve got to keep choosing love— even if from afar
And I’ll tell her how I still love you
Just different than how I used to
~My Favorite Lover, Brittany K.W.,August, 28, 2023
Life really happens in the ways that we least expect it. One day, you have this whole plan for how everything is supposed to work out, and then, one day, that whole plan may get flipped upside down without God even consulting you about it. But, it can be so good to you. The sudden shift changes you. It teaches you. It brings you joy. It brings you love. It may bring you heartbreak, but you'll still have peace. And then one day, when you're finally settled in, you’ll look back at the journey and wonder, "who would have thought?"
--
Bedford Stuyvesant, May 2022
"Who has you smiling from ear to ear like that Miss Thang," asked Che, walking through the gates of her renovated Brownstone.
Che` realized she was taking care of more house than she intended to, so she had a developer come in to make two units that she could rent out-- one upstairs and one on the ground level behind the stairs to the main entrance. Melody and her sister-friend, Imani, had moved in the September prior-- just two 20-somethings trying to chase a high filled with love, energy, music, and the highest vibrations, and here she stood speechless and embarrassed, laughing at Che's question.
"Well? I'm waiting Miss thang."
"I've been dating this guy for the last month or two, and it's such a refreshing feeling," said Melody, sitting on the stoop repotting the plants Che` and her had been plant-mothering together since the beginning of the month.
"I can tell. I haven't seen you this happy about much in a while, and that's with you merely being that mesmerized over memories, because he certainly isn't standing right in front of you."
Melody almost choked from laughing. " It's so weird. I haven't felt like this about anybody in a while-- not since..." Her voice faded as she began to remember the feeling she once had over someone who couldn't love her back.
"Since the end of last summer when the two of you were supposed to go to Anna Ruby Falls."
Che` remembered the August nights from the summer prior where she held Melody's heart in one hand, catching her tears with the other.
"I'll never understand what happened," Melody uttered, facing her head up towards the heavens, hoping God would blow a wind of healing her way, with a force strong enough to dry her eyes and hold up the levee that was breaking at the seams for the first time in eight months. "It's like no matter how good things get for me, every now and again I wonder what happened. Like at what point do people just decide that abandonment is the way to solve their issues-- like going around hurting innocent people is going to win them some type of award? And don't get me started on when they get to guilt-tripping you. It's irresponsible-- hell, disappointing. "
"And disappointment is your least favorite feeling."
"My absolute least favorite, " Melody said, diverting her glare from Che`, as tears streamed down her face, proving she had little control on how much of an impact a lost love still had on her. "Because it's genuinely like, 'Why did you do that to me when all I've ever did was try to see you, hear you, inspire you, pray for you, and love you?' Like genuinely how is this what we've become."
"A wise man once said 'somethings fall apart so better things can come together,'" Che` said gently, as she watered the sunflowers she had planted in the miniature garden she birthed with Alana. Alana was responsible for Che`s heartbreak when she was Melody's age.
"I didn't want better; I just wanted what we had. I..."
"And if you would have only had that, you wouldn't have learned what you've learned, and you wouldn't be where you are."
"But where exactly am I? I feel stuck."
"You feel stuck, yet you walked over here smiling like somebody hugged your heart real tight."
Che` was staring at the back of Melody's crown, which was styled in an updo with a few locs hanging loose. She was once the 20-something year-old woman who stood before her.
"Mel, all won't always be fair in love, and I need you to know that everybody won't always know how to love you. That everybody won't be able to offer you closure," Che` said in an accountable auntie's voice. "At the end of the day, you are responsible for your heart. You are responsible for giving yourself closure. You are responsible for giving yourself permission to move on from people who don't deserve you.
"Leave those people be, Mel, and allow yourself to be free. New love awaits you every rising... If you let it."
"But..."
"Heyyy Miss Che`," said Imani walking into the gate and up the steps towards the newly painted matte black door that beheld the sacred energies of their Jefferson Avenue brownstone. "Hey Mel, I think you need to check your phone."
"For what?"
"You have a date tonight, and you need to be ready by 7:00 p.m."
"Well excuse me," said Che`, clutching her invisible pearls.
"A date? With whom?"
"Marcus."
Imani's response had Melody at a loss for words. He mentioned nothing about a date, and his last response was a few minutes prior.
"He asked if we had weekend plans, I told him we didn't, and he asked what would be a good day and time to put something together for you."
Che`'s eyes were fixated on Mel's reactions as everything began to unfold without her control.
"But I don't have..."
"Anything to wear? Yeah, he met me and dropped off this bag," Imani said, giving her a matte black gift bag with a golden sealed card stapled to the outer part of the bag. "He asked that you read the letter before opening the bag."
"Well go on and read it girl!" Che` was feeling 20-something again, and as if Imani and Mel were mirroring her 20s with Bahati and Melina.
During our first conversation, you said you wanted to go on a date that required you to get dressed up-- you said nobody had ever picked out an outfit for you or taken you somewhere that requires you to look like your most feminine self. So, I ran ideas past Imani, and I think I got tonight right.
I'll be to you at 7:00. ~Marcus
She had tears holding space at the bottom of her eyelids.
"Well?"
Both Che` and Imani were looking at a woman they both loved reacting to someone listening to her and trying to love her well.
"How'd he even get your number?"
"Just make sure you're ready at 7:00, and he made one request."
"What is that?"
"For me to take you to Nina's for an appointment at 2:30," Imani chuckled getting his requests out because she knew Mel would be overwhelmed by someone so intentional. "He said you mentioned needing a fill-in and pedicure, so he made an appointment for you to get your nails soaked off, a new set and a spa pedicure. All scheduled with Nina through her website and paid in full-- 25% tip included."
"You're f*cking lying!" Melody exclaimed, dropping the bag on the steps. "Sorry Miss Che`, my mom taught me not to cuss in front of my elders, but..."
"Baby, don't you worry about me," Che` responded with her hand on her hips and lips curved to the heavens. "You worry about making it to your appointment on time and getting ready for your husband-- I mean Marcus."
Melody chuckled, wiping her face of an escaped tear, and turned to walk inside the brownstone.
"All of this from a heartbreak and a DM eight months later. Who would've thought?"
She had so many thoughts that she wanted to process, but she didn't have time to.
--
So there you have it, Beloved. The reward is in the risk. What you've been praying for may be requiring you to let go of some people/things, get closure from yourself and allow the newness of life to come in and gift you blessings. New blessings await you every rising. Don't let a single soul make you feel like the sun is setting on you. Allow seasons to change. Allow the leaves to fall away. And allow life to birth new branches with a fruitful harvest of love for you. You deserve that.
I love y'all.