Love With Intention
The depth of your beauty, something to behold
The extent of the woman you are is that culminated in dreams
You are a reminder that God still exists
And here you stand in front of me, yet something about you seems untouchable
Something about you makes me want to check in with myself to be sure that I deserve you
Something about you makes me talk to God more so that I know I am equipped to be with you
Can I get right and come back for you?
It takes a really good man/woman, Savannah, to leave you alone when they know they can't do anything for you. Like imagine, you're just standing there minding your business, and somebody comes up to you and tells you that they would love to have you, but they can't be nothing for you. It's like, "Damn, you could've just said nothing," but also, it's like "Damn, you must be a real adult to admit something like that." Imagine how much heartbreak, confusion and regret we would avoid if we could just be honest with ourselves and others, and merely admit that we just can't be much of anything for the next person.
I went to an event a few weeks ago, and if you know me, you can imagine I was in a corner with my best friend singing and dancing my heart out. Then, this man came up to me and said, verbatim, "I do not want to waste your time, but you are absolutely beautiful. But I'm going to leave because I have nothing to offer you." And I said WOW. Before I could even get out a "thank you," sir was walking off. And as small as that may have been, imagine if we all could be that honest with ourselves and leave people when we're not ready for them. Spare them. Spare ourselves. Spare our mutual friends. Spare God having to send the same type of experience to get the lesson across.
But like Auntie Jill said, we "tried anyway."
--
Williamsburg, April 2022
"May I get you two anything to drink?" asked their waiter as he poured complimentary spring water in their glasses.
"A Cabernet Sauvignon for the lovely lady, and I will take a whiskey sour. May we also have a bottle of sparkling water?"
He listens. That was the first thought that came to mind, as she listened to the man sitting across from her ordering her must haves for dinner. Tonight, I would have preferred a lemon drop, but this man thinks he knows me.
"Did I miss anything?"
"No, thank you," she said, resting her head on her intertwined hands that were supported by the table beneath her elbows. She knew she shouldn't have her elbows on the table, but she was in awe of this man. A gentleman. A man of a different caliber. This is what this can feel like.
"And are we ready to order or put in any appetizers?"
"May you put in an order of your truffle fries and the plantain Caribbean Tacos, as an appetizer? We'll order the entrees once the drinks arrive."
Biiiittttccccchhhh. I did not tell him that that's what I typically order, as an appetizer. We never even talked-- he must've overheard me talking about it with the girls during our first FaceTime call. I mean he did call during girls' night. He listens-- intentionally.
"I'll put that in for you right now."
She returned from her internal conversation, her eyes following the waitress as she walked off, trying to escape the feeling of the intensity in the stare of the beautiful 6'3 chocolate man, who sat directly across from her. And though at a distance, she smelled the potency of his Tom Ford Oud Wood cologne, and it was diminishing her levels of self control.
"So, you think you know me?"
"I don't think, which is why we're here," he said, head tilted to the left, tilting atop his, now, intertwined hands. His left finger donned a gold pinky ring, which complimented the gold rope chain that rested perfectly at the on his collar bone, sinking into the point where the collar bone meets the sternum at the median of his chest.
"So, then how did you know..."
"I listen."
"You eavesdrop."
"You speak without minding your surroundings."
"Excuse me?"
Melody was a complex Scorpio woman. She was hard to the touch, but internally, she was a lover girl. All she wanted to do was love and be loved-- and not just romantically. Love was Melody. Melody was love embodied, but all she knew how to do from youth into adulthood was be tough. And this man was testing her durability.
"A Cabernet Sauvignon?"
Melody smiled at the waiter who brought the drinks, nodding to show the waiter the drink was hers.
"And a whiskey sour, for you sir."
"Thank you, kindly."
Kindly? So prim and proper, but his voice is making me not want to be the same.
"You're excused," Marcus replied, remembering Melody's response before the waiter arrived with their libations.
"Smart mouth, huh? Really cute Mr. Morrison."
"Don't forget to change the mister to doctor next time, if you desire to be so formal."
His eyes had not lost sight of the masterpiece that sat across from him during the exchange. Melody was a sight to behold. Her skin, a radiant milk chocolate, donned with the shimmer of a shea butter and Tom Ford shimmer oil mix. Her locs had been pulled back into a middle-part bun. Her lips were colored with a brown lip-liner and pink gloss combination, complementing the mocha brown dress she wore. And her eyes, almond shaped and brown, were his favorite. But he barely saw much of them during these moments.
The woman whom he had an intense adoration for had eyes that couldn't maintain joint attention. He wanted to know more, but she was falling apart at the seams-- her toughness crumbling into submission to a man she barely knew-- at least to his knowledge. Melody had scrolled through Marcus' twitter for two hours the night he DM'd her, trying to find out as much as she could.
"Well, Mr. Morrison, I mean Dr. Morrison, a wise man once said he would not wine and dine a girl until he was ready to pursue a woman with the intention of making her his wife. What brings you here?"
"So, you have a scrolling thumb or a detective's eye?"
She took a sip from her glass, collecting the remnants of the liquid from her lips in a reserved manner.
"I like to know who I am dealing with."
"If that's what you want to call it, but yes you are correct," he said with an underlying wit. I found myself making homes out of people who I knew were only temporary. I led people on knowing I wasn't ready for commitment. I've broken hearts. I've wasted time. I've misused love, and I don't desire to do that anymore-- not that I ever intended to to begin with" he said, pausing to digest the words about to come out of his mouth. "I'm here because I'm finally ready-- I mean we're never fully ready-- but I'm ready to pursue love again, and for some reason, after every FaceTime call for the last two months, I couldn't help but consider the possibilities of pursuing love with you."
"You sure you want me to be the.."
"I have a detective's eye too. I listen more than you think. I know that your spirit is gentle. Your thoughts are beautiful. You're creative. You don't litter. You cut the crust from your pizza and sandwiches and you like your sandwiches cut diagonally. You curse like a sailor but talk like an angel around elders out of respect."
At some point during his recollecting, Melody's eyelids became levees holding back a fistful of tears for every person who never took the time to know the simple things and all the ways the kin of God sitting across from her has found out the little things without her uttering a word. This is what it feels like. This is the feeling you've waited for Mel. This is what you deserve.
"You are one with nature; you like to hug trees and put your feet in the grass. You meditate daily, and you read four books at a time. You--"
"Marcus."
"Melody."
Her utterance of his name trembled at the seams, while his utterance embraced every fear she had, asserting that she was safe, and he was here with intention.
--
You deserve people who are sure about you. You deserve someone who will take their time getting to know you. You deserve someone who is ready-- not someone who is still trying to figure it out or tie up loose ends. You deserve a love you do not have to heal from. You deserve a love that sees you, a love that hears you, a love that holds you.
Never settle for less than that, Beloved.
You deserve it.
I love y'all.
Talk to you soon. xo- Britt 🌹